Submerged in Ink
by SeptemberIvy
Summary: Then I looked up and saw the moon above, so bright yet so menacing and horrific at the same time. I stared at it's blinding light for a moment before shutting my eyes. My eyes blinked open slowly, I found my body slouched against the damp, cold, cobblestone of a building, night and darkness having descended as I found my body and suitcase in an ally way. -Allen Walker/Neah/14th-


Submerged in Ink

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It's black, black as ink, I can't make out anything. Not the sky nor the ground nor my surrounding. I can't even tell if my eyes are opened or closed. My body feels weightless, as though submerged underwater, Pressure surrounding me and holding me tight as I drift along in the dark. Deep, I'm submerged somewhere deep, yet I'm flying at the same time. I could hear a drum beating through my ears, a slow, calm, steady rhythm, peaceful in the darkness.

'Where am I?'

'Who am I?'

'What's my name?'

I can't remember anything, my minds foggy, blank and empty just like my surroundings. I try to move my body, my limbs, my fingers, and my toes. Try to move and gain some form of control of myself. Maybe then I'll find out who I am.

No response.

I feel disconnected from my body, unable to do anything. I have no control. I can't manipulate my body or my surroundings. I can feel my body there. I know it's there, my arms lying next to me and my legs just dangling in space. I feel my ribs press against my bare chest, my skin tingling faintly. The steady beating of a drum reverberated throughout my chest. My heartbeat.

But I can't move any of it.

I try to move my chest, to breathe through my mouth or nose but no air comes in and no air comes out and my chest remains still.

'Am I dead?'

'Is this what death feels like?'

Complete separation from the body?

Emotions and more thoughts began to wiggle through the fog of my mind and become more apparent.

'Why am I here?'

'Where is here?'

'What happened?'

I began to grow frustrated as apprehension began to creep up the walls of my forgetful mind. Hearing the soft drumming of my own heart was beginning to make me insane. The silence between each beat, I was just waiting for it to stop all together. I opened my eyes only to find more darkness as I strained to gain control of my body once more. I was a conscience in a paralyzed body.

'My name. What is it?' I tried to force my mouth open, to whisper, to shout, to scream.

Nothing. It was silent in the black abyss as I continued to float around; the only noise I could hear was the sound of my thumping heart.

'Where am I?'

'Kanda!? Lenalee? Lavi? Where are you!?' My mind thought hastily, trying to gain my sanity back. Wait… who were those people? I tried to go back and recall what I just thought. But the thoughts were gone. I was back to the basics once more.

'I need out.'

'I need to get out of this blackness. I'm not dead. I won't die yet.'

'I can't.'

'I have too much to fight for.'

'But what am I fighting for?'

'My name… it's slowly coming back to me. A. A… Al…'

'Allen….'

'My names Allen. I have to hold onto that. I can't forget it.'

'Allen. '

'Allen. '

'Allen. '

'Allen. '

I found myself repeating it over and over as to not forget it.

'My name is Allen. Allen Walker.'

'Now who am I? I know my name but that's as far as I can remember.'

'I'm Allen Walker and I'm… what am I?'

'Fuck. Why can't I remember?!'

'I was something! I know it!' There was a nagging in the back of my skull that I needed to escape this dark pit of nothing but emptiness. I was something. I was someone. I was important. I needed to be somewhere but not here. I have a job that I need to finish no matter what. Nothing's going to get in my way as I try to figure out my purpose. I know it. I'm someone. I'm fighting for something. I just have to remember!

'Remember just remember. I'm. I'm… I'm an…. An. exorcist…'

'Exorcist.' At the word forming in my thoughts a flood of memories broke the dam holding them and they surged forward, crashing against the sides of my head and swelling within, memories of my time with Cross, following Mana's death, being his apprentice and working off debt. Memories of me eating with various members of the order flashed through my head. Some of us laughing, some of Kanda and I getting into a fist fight over something. Memories of mission briefings with Komui and Reever, my first mission with Kanda, searching for Cross and my time within the Asian branch. When my innocence evolved into Crown Clown, the battle within the Ark, the fight against the Earl, Cross appearing and saving Lavi and I from the psychopathic Tyki. The piano room, the haunting melody that somehow I knew how to play, the battle that occurred not to long after inside the old Headquarters, When the level 4 emerged and the sight was so ghastly and horrid and disgusting I wasn't able to contain the bile that escaped my throat. The battle with Lenalee when her Innocence evolved to Crystal type and we defeated the Level 4. More and more of these memories kept flashing through my head like a film in fast-forward.

The sound of my heart beating was drowned out by the noise of my memories. I wanted to grip my skull and hold tight to it to ease the pulsating aching that was growing but I couldn't.

'I'm Allen Walker. An exorcist… well… ex-exorcist. '

I opened my eyes to stare at black, my mind finding it unnerving, unsettling, terrifying. I moved my eyes back and forth trying to look around, further. At least I had control of that part of my body. Now if only I could see beyond the blackness. I tried and pushed and willed my body. Trying to gain some semblance of movement.

I felt like I was trying to push an immense boulder, impossible to move despite my strength. Rage and anger and indignation filled me once more as I tried with my might to move and to get dominance. I toiled and writhed and jerked and twisted and thrashed to no avail.

I refuse to stay here when I know I don't belong her. I belong out there, in the light. Where mankind needs me.

I stared at the black water in front of me; it was still, so very still. There was a faint glimmer of something above me as I floated in the black water.

But then I felt like I was sinking deeper into the pool. The sensation of falling and the glimmer above shrinking and dissolving into the water.

My mind panicked once more as I became frantic to get some control and rise again to the surface.

'Please Please. Please Move.'

And then there was a snap like a rubber band or the break of a branch and my muscles convulsed simultaneously, my heart racing and throbbing against my chest as I tried to inhale a breath against the black water.

My body moved as I pushed upward, my limbs screaming as though they were numb.

Ice. A layer of ice was blocking the surface to me. I drew my fist back and pushed against the ice, tried to punch it, only for my movements to slow drastically against the black water. A small crack appeared in the ice as I continued to try to push against it to get out of here. It was a slow and arduous process, the ice thick against my pushing and shoving. My punches were feeble until the cracks began to spread more and the ice finally shattered and broke apart. I pushed up past the ice.

I breached the surface of the water. Light flooding my eyes and blinding me for a moment. I looked up at the piece of land in front of me and reached up, tugging my body out partially as my arms felt like sand and didn't want to hold my weight.

A small island of old cobblestones was where I now slouched half in the water, half out. The stones now soaked from the black water surrounding it and me. I looked over towards the water and found it unfrozen, just black. I pulled one leg up onto the island and began to pull my other leg up.

Only to feel something grip my leg and try to drag me back down into the water. I opened my mouth to shout but nothing escaped as I flailed and kicked and clawed at the stones to escape my captor. I thrashed my leg and pulled myself against the iron grip and the heavy weight pulling me back into the water.

Until the grip disappeared, and the weight subsided, and I crawled towards the center of the small island and sat there, soaking wet and panting in silence. I glanced towards the water but was hesitant to approach it. The black water surrounded me, as I looked around and noted the pure white skeletal trees in the distance.

Then I looked up and saw the moon above, so bright yet so menacing and horrific at the same time. I stared at it's blinding light for a moment before shutting my eyes.

My eyes blinked open slowly, I found my body slouched against the damp, cold, cobblestone of a building, night and darkness having descended as I found my body and suitcase in an ally way. I looked up to see Timcanpy fluttering around me. The golem's cross-faced seemed to have a worried expression as the wings fluttered quickly and he flew around my head. I let out a breath, glancing down and seeing my old, frayed coat and dirty clothes beneath it. Crown Clown was activated, the white cowl wrapped around me.

I was marked a traitor…

My mind was slowly regaining itself as I took a few deep breaths and straightened myself more upright. I gripped my left hand, the innocence within surging and pulsating as it fought against the Noah inside me. Previously activated when I felt the affects of Nea begin.

"Nea's slowly taking over… I'm losing my mind." I stated slowly, I didn't want to believe the terms that came out of my mouth but the truth within them was undeniable. I pressed my back against the wall and slid down. The rough stone uncomfortable and digging into my spine as I just sat there.

I gripped my sides tightly, pulling my knees to my chest and burying my head into it. Crown clown's cowl wrapping around me, keeping me snug, warm me against the cold night air. The hood fell over me as I stared down at the black ground.

"Fuck."

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Thanks for reading. Review please. Also check out my comments on this fic on my tumblr. ht tp : www . septemberivy. tumblr


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